Thursday, April 23, 2009

Doubt Attack!

After a really unproductive day (yesterday), I had a serious case of 'Doubt Attack'. Random thoughts, unwanted thoughts and the 'what ifs...' flew around my mind. To which I persuaded myself and conclude that there is no more what ifs. It's too late for all those and definately too late for any changes. All I can and have to do now is to push on forward. Put my all, if not, my majority into what I'm doing now.

Reflecting on my feedback, I feel that I'm not sure how to move forward in certain areas. There seems to be a lot of road blocks. It somehow reminds me of 2 sentences in the song 'My Wish' by Rascal Flatts. "If one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walking til you find a window". I'm going to have to find my window to move on.

Questions, questions, questions. What are the questions I should be asking? How deep should my questions be? What about professional design that I need to ask? How contemporary is contemporary? What, How, Where, When, Who, Whom, Whose, Which. Questions!

I feel taht I'm so far behind some of my classmates. It makes me wonder if I could ever chase up to them. That really isn't a valid question because I know I have to. No more wasting time and I have to keep my level of unproductivity to a minimal. [Note to self : Time management!]

How could I challenge the established parameters? How could I be original? Critical debate? Analysis? The two things I feel are my main weaknesses! What actually is the idea behind my project??? The need to educate people on how to use text? or why does a typeface look like how it does? The latter seems to be what I want to say but how should/do I commnicate it across? Again, it pours down to the relationship between visual and text. Which could be strengthen by critical debate and deep analysis. Ah... 天啊! Help! I somehow know what I think I want but to communicate it our proves more challenging than what I expected. [Note to self : Just gotta work harder!]

Struggles... struggles... struggles... Never seems to end. With so little time left, I need to work harder if I want to achieve what I want to achieve. I need to know how to put my thoughts down to pper and then to design. I need to analyse my research further and deeper. (我的天!) It's tough for a 'non-thinker' like me. [Note to brain : Please work! Don't dissapoint me!]

In terms of design, I need to :
- develope more page layout
- develope more typographic design
- understand my audience
- show what I understand (in my mind) to paper (design)
- appreciate current aesthetics in book design

To do list for this term :
- developement & exploration
- back to the bookstores
- be in the mind of my audience
- translate my mind to paper
- analyse deeper
- be not so personal with my design (it's for me but not for me)

Closing note, I've gotta push myself more!

Message to self :
Adui... kenapalah aku pilih untuk menyeksa diriku? Saja untuk keseronokan? Untuk sekeping kertas? Aih... walau apa sebabnya dah terlalu lewat untuk patah balik atau tukar fikiran. Jalan yang boleh ku pilih hanya satu, iaitu ke depan. Berusahalah! Yakin pada diriku! Aku boleh!

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